


(OLD) *** Destructive Tendencies *** (OLD)

by tactileAcatalepsy (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:17:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tactileAcatalepsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post SBurb, Alpha and Beta sessions joined after they beat the game etc etc, the trolls live with Jade and Jake on their island so that humans don’t flip out because aliens, Dave moved out and is making SB&HJ movies in California, Rose and Roxy still live together and Rose is blossoming as a psychiatrist and writer while Roxy is working on attending all of her AA meetings, Dirk has continued his pursuits in robotics rather than picking up smuppets, and John has moved out of his Dad’s house where Jane decided to stay and open a bakery nearby, John is living on his own in Arizona working at a video store and coping with PTSD.<br/>John has a series of panic attacks that continue to worsen and calls Dave for support, but Dave is in the middle of producing SB&HJ and calls Dirk to check up on John for him. While Dirk is there John has a bad panic attack and Dirk concludes that living alone isn’t the best for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> herp derp  
> I decided we need more variety and such in the DirkJohn fics. So here we go.  
> The chapters will get longer, let me know what you guys think u v u  
> Let me know if you find any mistakes please ; u ;

John sat in his small living room on the phone listening closely to Rose.  
“John you can’t keep doing this. You have to tell people when you get these panic attacks. It’s important that you don’t get yourself into stressful situations that put you around your triggers. Do you understand John?”  
“I know Rose it’s just that they keep happening no matter what I do; hell I moved out, I went to a different STATE. I thought that if I moved away they’d at least happen less.”  
“Call me whenever you have one. I’m serious John it’s important. If I don’t answer then call Dave or Jade just make sure you’re talking to someone. Have you been keeping up on your meds?”  
“Yes.” John sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He was lying. He had stopped taking them weeks ago. They made him feel weird and he didn’t like it. He was still jumpy and paranoid when he was taking them anyways so what was the point?  
“Good. You worry me John; I’m coming down to see you when My next book is finished alright? I have to go pick Roxy up now. Take care of yourself.”  
“Alright, see ya Rose.” He said hanging up and leaning back on the couch.

==> Be Future John Egbert  
You are an absolute moron. Stupid idiot stupid. Why can’t you just listen to Rose? Look where you are now. Being sent home by your boss because you were being jumpy and awkward with customers. You sigh as you pull into the parking area of your apartment complex.  
You have days like this pretty often, but there’s always worse. Sometimes you can’t even leave your apartment. You decide to just try to get some rest and flop onto the couch after walking up the immense amount of stairs in your complex. Before following through with your plans you glance at the pill bottles on your counter; some of them prescribed by Rose, some by your other therapist, others simple over the counter painkillers and such. You hastily ignore them as you drop your keys near them and proceed to crash on the couch.

You jolt forward, waking up in a cold sweat and clutching your chest where Jack had stabbed you. That moment recurred over and over. Your breathing grew rapid and shallow despite your attempts to calm down and your chest grew tight.  
It was happening again.  
You scramble for your phone in your back pocket hitting Rose’s speed dial half-hazardly; tucking your knees into your chest and gripping the phone tightly.  
“You’ve reached the mobile of Rose Lalonde, I cannot take your call presently. Please leave your name and telephone number and I will return your call as promptly as possible.”  
“Fuck. Rose please I need your help. Please Rose. Fucking hell.”  
You hang up quickly and try Jade next, reaching a message that says her phone is out of range. You curse and call Dave. The dial tone rings for what feels like an eternity before he answers.  
“Sup.” He says nonchalantly.  
“Dave thank god, fuck I need help bro. Its- I’m- again-“ You stop and try to breathe normally.  
“Whoa there bro, chill out. You’re okay. Listen to me; breathe in, then out, nice and slow. You are the fucking entity of calm. Just relax.” He coos as soothingly as Strider-ly possible.  
“Stabbed, chest, again, fuck, I can’t-“  
“Shh shh sh. No speaking. You’re okay man. No arch agents are trying to kill you. That’s all over. You’re chill in Arkansas now.”  
“Arizona, Dave.” You sigh starting to catch your breath, your chest still feeling tight. You jump as your fan rustles papers on your coffee table.  
“Same fuckin state, you’re still cool. Everything’s cool. You’re so cool the most ironically cool thing on the planet isn’t as cool as you. Aside from me of course.” He reassures.  
You continue trying to breathe steadily while he talks you through your little breakdown. After a few minutes when he’s decided you’ve calmed down enough he sighs.  
“Fuck man Rose said you were losin’ it but damn. I didn’t think your panic attacks were getting this bad John. You’re lucking you caught me between set changes.”  
“I-I’m not losing it! I just- I just had a bad day with this… it isn’t like it really happens THAT often.” You say defensively.  
“Sure. Whatever you say bro. I gotta go, you better call Lalonde and tell her what went down. I’m calling her after this next scene to check.”  
“Yes mother.”  
“Damn straight.”  
Dave hung up after that and you stood up and walked to the kitchen. You stood in front of the sink for a minute before splashing your face with cool water. Your phone buzzed across the counter. It was Rose. After taking a deep breath you answer.  
“John are you alright?” She asked immediately.  
“I’m okay Rose. I just had a, uh, little incident.”  
“Did you get a hold of someone? What happened?”  
“Yeah Dave answered his cell; it was, uh, Jack… again…” You respond slowly.  
“I told you to call Jade first if I wasn’t able to respond when you had an attack.” She said sternly.  
“Her line was down again Rose. You’re forgetting she lives in the middle of nowhere. Not really consistent phone reception.”  
“Oh. Well if you are really fine now I’m going to have a word with Dave.”  
“He’s shooting a scene. He said he was gonna call you after to make sure I talked to you.”  
“Good. Are you sure you’re alright John? You don’t sound very good.”  
“Tired. I just woke up. I- I had a nightmare and woke up and panicked. I’m tired.” You exhale exaggeratedly.

==> Be Current Rose Lalonde  
“If you’re absolutely sure John then I’ll be going now. I have other things to attend to as well.”  
“’Kay, bye Rose.”  
You sigh and hold your phone in your lap after your dear friend-patient hangs up. You actually do have other things to attend to. Namely your ecto-mom/daughter who is now your alcoholic flat mate. The same flat mate who just ditched her AA meeting to go clubbing.  
You exasperatedly grab your keys and prepare to drive into town and fetch the irresponsible wreck of a girl-woman.

==> Be Dave Strider  
You are now frustrated as hell because your actors are complete imbeciles who cannot hope to perceive your art form and portray it on the big screen. When will Ben Stiller grasp his intricate character?  
You decide to give up for the moment and call for a break.  
“CUT. JUST CUT. GOG DAMN IT CUT.” You yell. “Go reread the script. Again. Get back here in 15 minutes and you had better have grasped the perfect blend of ironic comedy I have set before you.”  
You ignore the eye-rolls of the unappreciative staff you’ve been given and head back to your trailer to call Lalonde. She had better answer too because the Egbert dilemma was getting damn serious.  
You put your iPhone on speaker as you lounge across your laz-e-boy sideways. The perfect way to sit in any laz-e-boy if you say so yourself. Ironic and comfortable.  
“Strider.” She answers.  
“Lalonde. Sounds like you’re on the road; Rox on the rocks again?”  
“Do you even have to ask?”  
“Not really. So, Egderp talk to you yet?”  
“Yes. He has informed me that you helped him through his panic attack this relative afternoon.”  
“Relative?”  
“For you two it was in the afternoon. For me it was very late in the afternoon. Time zones Dave; I’m positive you of all people are familiar with them.”  
“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever. Down to business; he’s not doing so great Lalonde.”  
“I’m aware. I’m thinking of changing his medicatio-“  
You snicker then start laughing.  
“You honestly think John is actually on his meds? You must be more naive than I thought.”  
“Well Dave if you must know I’m going to be going out to see John in person. Soon.”  
“You don’t sound so sure about that.”  
She sighs loudly and you hear the breaks of her car as if she was pulling to the side of the road.  
“Fucking hell, Dave what am I going to do about Roxy? I can’t _leave_ because she’s such a wreck and no one will watch her. She was kicked out of rehab. Four times. Four. She got her whole group in the therapy sessions to sneak out to a bar and then banged the pharmaceuticals guy of their facility.”  
“Damn.”  
“But John needs someone there to help him get his shit straight at _least_ for a few weeks. I hate to ask Dave but do you think you could?”  
“’Fraid not toots. I am in the middle of shooting SB &HJ. Can’t just drop it and leave even though Egderp’s my bro.”  
“Damn. It. To. Hell.” She sighed and there was a little thud.  
“Wait. I’m a genius Lalonde. Tell me I’m a genius. I’ve just solved your problems.”  
“Oh sweet merciful knight in shining armor, hero of us all, your bountiful knowledge is our savior, you genius mind will save us all. Does that work for you Strider.”  
“It’ll do Rose, it’ll do.” You laugh inwardly at her witty sarcasm as you lay down the best plan in history. “I can call up my bro and he can drop in on John.”  
“By bro do you mean Dirk. As in Dirk Strider. The man-child who raised you to be the mess you are. The one who strifed with a 7 year old on a dangerously high rooftop that lacked safety railing. If yes then hell no.”  
“Ouch; your words cut deeper than the shittiest katana Lalonde. But yes. And also no. You are forgetting he’s actually responsible and capable too.”  
She’s silent for a while. You tap a steady beat on your thigh waiting for her response.  
“Fine. I suppose he’s better than nothing. Message me if he says he’s available and I’ll give him details as to what needs to be done. For now I have our friendly neighborhood drunk to track down.”  
“Cool. I’ll hit you up later then. Good luck.”  
“I’ll need it.” She says as she hangs up.  
You contemplate calling your brother before deciding against it. Calling would most likely result in unnecessary banter for an hour and your movie would be even more off schedule than it already was. You open your Pesterchum app instead.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] –-

TG: bro

TG: heard you were sitting alone at home with your robots

TG: fuckin same unironic shit going down all day

TG: gotta get some rad new events happening you know

TG: change it up

TT: Do you have a point little man.

TG: just sayin

TG: maybe you could like

TG: go someplace for a couple weeks

TG: do some cool things

TG: chill with peeps

TT: Dave spill.

TG: alright you know john right

TT: Yes. Egbert. Buckteeth goofy kid.

TG: exactly the one

TG: well hes going a little nutso

TG: and rose and me cant go check up on him

TG: we’re busy with other shit

TT: So you need me to check up on your friend John.

TG: yes

TG: hes having panic attacks and shit

TG: because of sburb

TT: I see. You’re asking me to drop my projects and go babysit.

TG: you don’t have to

TG: you can always stay home in surrounded by your hunks of metal

TT: I get it. It’d mean a lot to my dearest little bro if I’d go take care of his precious buddy.

TG: yes and no

TG: precious is not a term to be used unless in the most ironic circumstances

TG: lalonde will also appreciate you doing us this one act of kindness

TG: upon your agreeing to said kindness she will enlighten you on the details of your mission

TT: I suppose I can take time out of my busy schedule to assist you. In the best interests of all parties involved.

TG: sweet

TG: rosell talk to you soon then

TG: seriously thanks though bro youre doin us a huge favor

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] –-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make this chapter less dialogue heavy cause the first one there was kind of a shitton of it.  
> Thanks to my friend Erin for giving me some great tips u v u  
> Let me know if any of you have suggestions or corrections to make this as quality as possible!  
> In my attempt to make it less dialogue heavy it’s also going to be in 3rd (and eventually 1st) person more rather than 2nd all the time. I’m still going to incorporate the classic action arrow things though ‘cause hey this is a Homestuck fic.  
> ALSO NOTE: I do have a tumblr where I post stuff about updates and such! If you want to stay up to date you can track the tag ‘destructive tendencies bluh bluh’. I’m tracking it as well so if you have any comments or anything that you want me to see tag it with that.  
> Enjoy <3

==> Dirk: Take a 17 hour Road trip

Dirk drove down the highway in his well used orange pick-up, Katy Perry blasting for purely ironic purposes. He glanced back and forth from the road to his phone as he double checked Rose’s directions to John’s place as well as her list of things to make sure he’s doing and not doing. High maintenance nut case wasn’t really what John had come off as when they beat the game together in his opinion, but then again things had changed. A lot. The stress would really catch up to anyone; besides the fact that the Beta session had started before the Alpha; by the time they met and merged Dave, John, Rose, and Jade had been involved longer than Jake, Roxy, Jane, and himself. 

After driving literally all day Dirk finally reached the border between New Mexico and Arizona. He had about a 5 hour drive left to get to John’s place and it was 6 o’clock already. It would be pretty late when he got there.

It was very late when Dirk finally knocked on the door of John’s apartment. Like midnight late. He had hit traffic because of an accident on the freeway and he hoped to god that Egbert was awake still. Just as he was thinking that the door cracked open, light gradually pouring out like a gift from above to finally reveal John’s thin frame.

“Dirk! Hi! You’re a little late hehe.” John grinned.

“Sup, glad you’re still up. Hit traffic ‘cause some dipshits had a fender bender.” He said casually and followed John inside.

He looked him over as he babbled on about this and that, apologizing about how small his place was and there was just the couch rather than a guest room. He took note of how thin John looked; not that he wasn’t a skimpy guy already, but he had definitely lost a bit of weight. He looked tired too, something Dirk probably wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t looking specifically for things Rose told him. It wasn’t like he had huge bags under his eyes but Dirk could tell by the way he moved and spoke. He wasn’t as animated and peppy in his speech and actions as he’d remembered. 

“It sure was nice of you to come see me all the sudden, I’m sure you’re tired from driving all day though. You can just crash on the couch or watch TV if you want and we can catch up and junk tomorrow.” John said as he finished his babbling.

“Sounds like a plan man.” Dirk nods and drops his bag at the side of aforementioned lounge furniture and plopped himself down on it.

“Night then!”

“Night.”

 

==> John: Eat breakfast

Normally John would just get up early skip breakfast and go grocery shopping on his days off, running any errands he needed to. He however didn’t realize Dirk woke up earlier than he did. John wandered into the kitchen greeted by the smell of toast and Dirk sitting on his counter.

“Uh, morning Dirk.” John chuckled.

“Mornin’ short stack.” Dirk responded, he’d been fiddling with a small object and tossed it at him.

“What’s this?” He fumbled as he caught it. It was a translucent orange pill bottle. “Dirk what-“

“Listen I didn’t just happen to want to drop by. It’s not that I don’t like you but I'm not here for no reason. Dave and Rose are worried about you.”

“Great. They sent you to babysit.” John sighed and tossed the bottle back on the counter. He pulled up a chair and sat down, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Okay look. I know and you know that you have… problems. We both also know that you have not been taking care of yourself right,” John tried to speak up and interrupt but Dirk held up a finger, “we’re you’re friends John. We just want for you to be alright. It isn’t healthy for you to just ignore your problem like this.”

“I don’t ignore it! And I don’t need you to babysit me about it!” 

“Oh really. So these full prescriptions from Rose that you picked up 3 months ago; which according to this should last a month; you took these like you were supposed to?” He asked as he rattled the bottle back and forth.

“I don’t need those.” He looked down at the floor.

“Damnit John. It is too early in the morning for this.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can and will make you start taking your meds like you’re supposed to. So just do it okay? This is for your own good.”

“You don’t understand. You couldn’t understand. Do you know what the side effects of those even are? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I’d rather deal with some panic attacks than those. So no, I’m not gonna take them anymore. I get along fine without them.”

“Alright then. Well until you decide to change your mind I will be occupying your couch. Meds aren’t the only thing on Rose’s list buddy.”

John groaned and left to his room. He came back out a few minutes later to find Dirk sitting at his table eating toast, another plate of it by the other chair. He guessed making sure he ate was on Dirk’s list from Rose. Ignoring it he walked straight to the door and left.

 

==> John: Put up with Dirk for a week

Dirk continued to pester John for a whole week, whenever he was home, as much as he could. Well pestering in John’s opinion; helping in Dirk’s. Rose’s list was a lot harder to keep up on than Dirk originally thought it would have been. John continuously refused most of his attempts at helping him. He also continued to have mini panic attacks. Sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes after work. He also still insisted he didn’t need his meds. John was at least eating and resting more though. Point 1 for Dirk Strider. But the more rest John was getting the more often he got nightmares and nightmares meant panic attacks.

John had the closing shift and got back home late tonight, when he did Dirk was already asleep so he went straight to bed  
A few hours later Dirk woke up to him screaming.  
He rushed into John’s room and found him curled up in the middle of his bed; he was holding his head in his hands and his breathing was fast and short.

“John, John listen to me. Hey. Breathe. It’s okay. Shhh.” He put a hand on his shoulder and tried to stop him from shaking.

“J-Jack- No- No no no-“ John whimpered and held his head closer to his chest. Dirk sat on the bed and scooted closer to him, shooshing him and trying to get him to calm down. “Dad- Rose- Dave- Jade- No- Jack stop-“

“John shhh, it’s okay. Jack is gone, he can’t hurt you. I’m here, I’m real.” He rubbed John’s shoulder softly.

“D-Dirk… Dirk, Jack he-“

“Shhh just breathe. In out. Nice and steady.” 

John clung to Dirk like a life line and shook like a leaf for about 10 minutes before his breathing slowed down and he stopped shaking so badly. He still held onto him tight while he caught his breathe.

“Dirk I…”

“Shhh it’s okay. Just calm down. Sleep.”

“I… thank you Dirk… I’m sorry.”

Dirk nodded and continued to shoosh him until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so short I'm sorry. The next one will be longer. I kinda feel like this chapter was a little choppy? I dunno, let me know if you guys think it could be smoother I guess?  
> I hope the formatting is better on this chapter too :)
> 
> Alternate ending:
> 
> “Dirk I…”
> 
> “Shhh it’s okay. Just calm down. Sleep.”
> 
> “I… I'm not a homosexual Dirk… I’m sorry.”
> 
> //shot


	3. HIATUS

Sorry everybody, school is starting in a week and I'd like to say I have a better excuse than that but I've also had a lack of inspiration for this fic lately so yeah. I probably won't update it for a bit. Keep an eye out for some little oneshots and stuff though 'cause I type stuff up on my phone sometimes. Hopefully I get back to this sooner than later though because I like it ;~;  
Thank you all for sticking around and reading you're all great!  
Have a nice day/night whatever readers u v u

UPDATE(2/24/13): I'm working on it! You shall have semi-regular updates soon my pretties  
soon  


UPDATE(7/19/13): Yea you guys have absolutely no reason to believe that I'm actually gonna be updating this weekend since my track records so bad but I'm gonna try so please hang in there guys, I love you all you're fantastic for so many views and kudos even though I'm so late on the updates.


	4. I think we all know where this is going

I think it is officially time to announce this is a dead end fic.  
It's sad cause I had high hopes for it but let's face it I'm never going to update this thing. Going back and reading it I don't even remember what I was planning to do.

However I still love brojohn and the world still needs more of it and because I'm a self indulgent little shit I'm going to start over and make a new fic.  
It's going to essentially be a better more well planned fic based on the concept of this one. There are places where the plot is extremely lacking in this (even though there's only 2 chapters) and I plan on fixing that so that it flows better and makes more sense. 

I also want to thank all you gloriously patient people who are still keeping an eye on this and the new people who are finding it and leaving kudos. I get the emails from AO3 saying "You've got kudos!" and just internally cringe at what a piece of shit I am for letting this drag on so long haha....  
So yeah expect a new fic. I'll leave this up for the time being just so I have it for reference and such and also to let you all know when I actually post the new fic. I'll upload a chapter here with a link for you guys.

I think that's it for now. Thanks again everybody.


	5. OK OK OK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god damn it you guys

Oh my god please stop the Kudos's they are awesome but they make me feel so terrible aggggh ; - ; I'm officially starting the new chapter tonight; It'll probably be a bit short but I'm going to explain where in the canon this happens etc etc before the actual story starts because I had the idea for this thing WAAAAAAAY before a lot of what has happened in Homestuck so far and I don't want there to be any confusion. So bear with me; It'll be up tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.


	6. i did it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> done diddly did it

http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153  
Go forth my children


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